The Average Life of the Not So Average Infected
by DarkAngel91398
Summary: 'In fact, you stink' 'I don't stink' 'Yea, he smells like a man' 'If men smell like rotting meat, old garbage, and skunk..' Welcome to the zany life and adventures of Hunter, Chad, Willa, Drew, and the rest of the Infected gang! Watch as they almost die again, meet the Survivors, goof off, and of course, fall in love! Survivors in later chapters, OCs wanted.
1. Prologue: We were Survivors

The Average Life of the Not So Average Infected... By Dark Angel 91398

Disclaimer: Valve owns the idea of the Hunter, Witch, Boomer, Tank, Smoker, Charger, Jockey, etc. I just own the names and personalities of these OCs.

Prologue: We Were Survivors *Hunter's POV*

We were survivors! Well, until the day Chad decided to start bawling over how his stomach was growling for an apple that Willa was holding.

In all honesty, we weren't really survivors.. We were just a couple of little kids running around without any true protection and living by pure luck and fear of the undead. How we survived to see the age of eight was a goddamn miracle.

* * *

I am Hunter. That is my real name, not what was I am now. It wasn't what I always was.. This creature that screams and pounces, preying on Survivors. Or at least, in my case, preying on animals that aren't dead yet.

I used to be human. But of course, I am not now. Or else, how could I talk to you with bloodied, nine-inch nails that sometime dig painfully into my palm and a gash in my stomach the size of a large frisbee? My memories have faded since then..

From what I can tell, I was your average kid. Happy-go-luck, playful, stupidly crushing on a girl... But of all days that I actually start telling my story, I'm turning sixteen.

All I have left of those days are burned, bloodied pictures. The glass broken from the frame, the wood slightly burnt. It took forever to find those precious memorabilia.. And I still hate posing for pictures even if no one undead can hold a camera.

Ten years since I was living, breathing, not craving human flesh constantly.. But regardless, I have still kept my humanity, my sanity!.. Or actually, maybe insanity..

* * *

Even I slightly despise the monstrous being I've become, I can't deny I am a great Hunter. I always manage to take my prey down no matter what and that's what my team especially appreciates.

By the word "team", I mean the other Infected. In fact, while in this thoughtful stupor, I am actually in the same room as one of them.. So I guess the first member you'll meet is Chadson "Call Me Chad" Alex Grant.

Smoky Bones himself... Chad has all these creepy, freaky tongues and this weird medium growth above his left eye. He recently got a horrible cough that almost always gets his sorry ass hit and I always save his stupid ass..

Chad has a serious weakness for cigarettes and tobacco products that makes him break windows of stores that have the possibility of being full of Survivors. He's been my best friend since we were in diapers (or at least, that's what I get from old memory).

Despite being hasty, Chad can be very intelligent when he wants to be... Unlike right now..

* * *

"A little help here?" Chad huffed irritably as I landed on the sill of the said Smoker's open window, glaring at me with annoyed golden eyes from under shaggy oak brown hair.

"What the hell did you do now?" I groaned, noticing Chad's eyes were gazing at something across the room.

I followed his gaze and an amused flicker passed my face as I saw that Chad's main tongue was caught in the room's heavy door way with the door closed. The shining golden knob glinted brightly, mocking Chad's predicament.

* * *

"I was practicing my snaring techniques and the wind must have blown really hard to make the door shut.." Chad mumbled, sounding off with his tongue stretched bashfully.

"Dude.. You know I cannot, and will never, and do not, do doors." I murmured, glowering at the door as if it was my tongue caught in it.

"WHAT THE HELL! SO YOU CAN RUN AROUND, USING DUCT TAPE ON YOUR PRECIOUS OUTFIT, BUT YOU CAN'T OPEN A STUPID, FUCKING DOOR!" Chad exploded angrily.

"MY QUESTION IS HOW HARD IS IT OPEN A DAMN DOOR, HUNTER! HUH! I AM STUCK AND- UGH!"

"Um.."

* * *

Yeah.. I don't know doors well.. Don't judge me..

But you have to admit, if you had nails like mine and you had to ball your hand into a fist to turn a knob, you wouldn't want to either!

Anyway, my outfit looks pretty damn good with silver duct tape on it, if I do say so myself..

* * *

"Um, ok.. I dunno.. It's just.. Duct tape seems more useful than doors.. I mean, look how awesome my outfit looks with it on.." I pointed out awkwardly, shifting carefully so I didn't fall to the cement below.

"Um, no! It's more helpful if you would just man up and open the damn door!" Chad sneered.

* * *

If you haven't realized this yet, Chad sorta has a potty mouth on him.. If there were any sailor who were alive or could remember their past, I'm pretty sure even they would be blushing in shame.

* * *

"Why can't you get Willa? Or Blitz? Or maybe Drew? Better yet, get Fred." I suggested cheerfully, trying to show him there were other people that could break the door down.

Chad gave me his signature "When I am out of this, I will strangle you and not with my tongue" look and the door smashed open as if there was a cannon shot at it. The caught organ flung back at Chad and I saw a familiar blood red eye stare at it.

* * *

And now would be a good time to introduce you to Willa the wicked bit- I mean, Witch of the undead herself. Despite most Witches being anorexically skinny and blonde..

Willa is not.. In fact, she has ragged raven black hair that limply hangs to her waist and is slender, to the point where you can't see her ribs.

Her clothes are also different, a gray storm cloud colored shorts and a darker gray tank top that shows her navel.

She acts tough, but I personally think she's insecure about her individuality from the other Witches.

Of course, she has those killer, eighteen inch long nails and she cries when Survivors are around. Something about being dead, I think. Secretly, I think she's the purdiest one...

I'm 69% sure that Willa hates my guts and would love to tear me to shreds. Pissing her off is the biggest mistake anyone will ever make; say goodbye now or never. But I do anyway. Whatever..

* * *

"THANK GOD, I AM FREE!" Chad yelled, his tongue being snapped back to him.

"What's going on now, you two?" Willa asked in her usual soft, barely scratchy tone.

"Chad, keep your damn tongue to yourself! I know I'm hot and all, but please, keep your tongue to yourself!" I jeered jokingly, nearly being whacked by the appendage.

"I AM STRAIGHT, MIND YOU!" Chad snapped, his tongue back in his mouth with a sharp thwack. His face flushed brightly.

"Oh.. What the hell did I just walk into..?" she moaned miserably.

"Chad here was trying to tongue me when you walked in and disturbed him. Thanks for saving me!" I smiled, my sharp and slightly bloodied teeth showing as my lips curled up.

"Was not! Willa, don't listen to Hunter! He's just an idiot!"

"Am not! You're an ignoramus!"

"An ignoranus? What!"

"AMUS! NOT ANUS!"

Willa shook her head sadly, her shaggy black hair falling into her haunted red eyes.

I smirked from under my stained slate blue hoodie and my claws brushed a lock of my blond hair, an unusual trait in Hunters. Other than my eyes aren't white, but are a fiery silver..

* * *

Yes, we were survivors and yes, we're now the Infected. But we're different than the rest. So stick with us.

Say goodbye to what you used to think of us, especially if you think all Infected are bad, and say hello to the life of us; a life of undeath, laughter, berserkers, and more.. Including Drew, Blitz, Cierra, and Fred!

~End of chapter! Hope you liked it! Thanks for reading my first ever L4D fanfic! Reviews are appreciated!~


	2. Chapter 1: Friends!

The Average Life of the Not So Average Infected... By Dark Angel 91398

Thanks for the reviews and such! I really appreciate the fact I am getting feedback!

Disclaimer: Valve owns the idea of the Hunter, Witch, Boomer, Tank, Smoker, Charger, Jockey, etc. I just own the names and personalities of these OCs except Lilith. Nintendo/Game Freak/The Pokemon Company owns Pokemon.

Chapter One: Friends! -Hunter's PoV-

Two hours later, I glared at Chad as he laughed raspy at the misfortune that befell me: The dreaded pounce of Blitz as he clung to my head like a baby koala, just without the adorableness.

So far, you've only met the us northerners minus Drew and Fred. But in the south lives our other friends who recently moved in with us after a couple of incidents, Blitz the Jockey included.

Blitz Marley Jackson is our creepy friend who loves to come out of nowhere and attack the back of our heads viciously... Or if you really pissed him off, the front of your face so all you see are his torn, stonewash gray jeans..

Blitz and my dear friend Willa Rebecca Anderson do not get along. Most of the time it's because Blitz wants to hug everyone's skulls and Willa always swings at him, but other times, it's over how she is reclusive.

Blitz has a hyperactive disorder and abandonment problems on top of mood swings. When none of that is in the way, he can be pretty cool. But when it is, you better have either a JB poster or a Linkin' Park poster.

Yes. Blitz has a hatred for Justin Beiber and a love for Linkin' Park as well as a hate for Rebecca Black, a love for anything greasy, a hate for drugs/alcohol, and a love for video games..

* * *

"Whee! Ride 'em, cowboy! Let's see how long you can ride 'im!" Chad cheered from the sidelines.

"Blitz! Get the eff off my damn head!" I screeched as I felt my hood start to slip slowly.

"Betcha you can't steer him out the window!" my 'oh-so-wonderful' friend taunted.

"Ya are so on, Chad! I will show all of ya'll!" Blitz laughed maniacally, his nails digging into the comfort that was my hoodie.

"Blitz, no, no, no!" I yelled, trying to leap out of the path said Jockey set for me.

"Hunter, yes, yes, yes!" he cackled, fingers reaching into my hood for my hair.

I shook my head wildly, trying to buck the demonic boy off, and the door flew open again. Willa was back, her hair damp and clutching her face tighter than Blitz on me. Yes, we takes bathes. What, did you think we want to smell absolutely terrible all the time?

"What the hell did I tell you guys earlier! I am trying to take a bath!" Willa screeched, her talons digging into her palms.

"S-sorry.." Chad sputtered, nearly choking on his cigarette that was perched in the corner of his mouth. (How did Blitz and I not see the cigarette?)

".. Chad..." Blitz started coolly, glowering with neon green eyes.

"Yeah?" the Smoker nodded to acknowledge the question.

".. How long have you been smoking that..?" the Infected hugging me demanded.

"Almost the whole time. Why?" the long-tongued boy shrugged.

I felt Blitz shake and detach himself from my cranium to lunge at Chad. Chad let out a girly shriek of terror and I heard the sound of nails clawing skin as I turned around.

"I HATE CIGARETTES! YOU KNOW THAT, CHAD! YOU WILL DIE! DIE!" Blitz howled, his tousled red hair flipping into his eyes.

"OW! BLITZ! THE HAIR! THE HAIR!" Chad wailed, attempting to rid himself of the Jockey.

.. Man, am I glad I am not a Survivor.. Blitz is scary as fuck to people he hates or doesn't know. And a living human fits both descriptions very well.

"TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT NOW!" Blitz screamed, pale and almost translucent skin turning red with anger.

"Ok, guys! Calm down!" Willa sighed irritably, crossing her arms with an exasperated expression. (Yes. Willa is annoyed VERY EASILY!)

"NO! MAKE ME! I NEED IT!" Chad hacked, being steered to a window.

I sighed, pouncing, and noticed Willa had disrupted the fight... And she was right in my course.. Oh, shit.. And of course, once I jump, I can't stop..

I landed on her with a muffled thump, my legs straddling her waist, and my muffin fell from my hoodie pocket. Willa's expression was blank before rage consumed her.

"HUNTER!" Willa screeched viciously, her blood red eyes turning a tad darker. "GET THE HELL OFF!"

"Heehehee.. S-sorry 'bout that, darlin'.." I chuckled nervously, crawling off her.

"NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" she hissed, running a claw from under my eye down my jaw line for good measure.

"Y-yes, ma'am.." I gulped, feeling the blood trickle down my face slowly.

Willa stood, glared at all of us, and stormed out of the room. Chad and Blitz stared at me, neon green and gold eyes staring at me in shock, before Chad noticed the muffin.

"Really, Hunter! A muffin? We're fucking Infected, we don't eat muffins!" Chad sneered at the chocolate chip pastry.

"... But they are much sweeter than meat." Blitz pointed out.

"We are zombies, man! Not werewolves, not demons, zombies!" the Smoker snapped.

"It happens to be tasty!" I retorted, silver eyes burning from under my dirty hoodie.

"Whatcha talking 'bout guys?" a loud booming voice asked.

I turned and saw Drew in the doorway, squeezing his large form into the room with a little difficulty.

* * *

I know; I have a lot of introducing. But just hang tight for a lil' longer. We only have Cierra, Drew, Fred, and Bash left. Drew is next though.

Drew Lexis Thompson is my second best friend and he is one of the greatest guys to know. Despite his fragility and his, um, little weight problem, Drew always manages to help out as much as he possibly can. He's tons of fun and kinda like this Witch down the street named Krystyna.

Drew has an obsession with old cartoons that he finds on barely working TVs and loves football. Despite being larger, Drew likes vegetables over meat and sweets. In case you haven't noticed, we're kinda like vegetarians. Sorta.

* * *

"Hey, Apple Drew-dles!" Blitz grinned, scampering over to the large teen.

"Sup, Short Stuff?" Drew smiled as Blitz crawled up his black Pokemon t-shirt and ruffled his curly brown hair.

"Drew, me boy-o! What's with the same old Pokemon tee?" I asked in an impression of a crab from an old TV show.

"Eh.. It's a little hard finding shirts that fit.. And Pokemon's pretty good-ish, right?" he laughed, his ice blue eyes looking brighter as he chuckled.

"Sure, bro. As long as you're five!" Chad snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, by the way, Chad? Cierra is looking for you. Something about payment?" the Boomer shrugged.

Chad's usual green-gray-whatever color paled to the color of old oatmeal as his eyes widened. Chad let out one of his heavy coughs and shifted awkwardly.

"Chadson Alex Grant, what did you do now?" I frowned, hands on my cargo-clad hips.

"I-I didn't do shit, dude! I-I never do!" the Smoker snapped in a noticably harsher tone.

"Ooh, Chad!~" a somewhat gurgling voice called from outside.

Chad let out a slight squeak and ducked behind the nearest thing in the room that could hide him. He hugged my back tightly and shuddered.

I squirmed, walked near the window, and peeked outside. Cierra was looking for my best friend and she was asking nearby Common Infected.

* * *

Cierra Caroline Ruth is a Spitter, her jaw hanging closer to across her neck than to above it. Because her jaw, Cierra sounds like she's gargling sometimes when she speaks. She has this stalker obsession crush on Chad.

Luckily, she's girly to the extreme and is easily distracted by shoes, clothes, and such. She doesn't get along with Willa well though, so one of us guys usually goes shopping with her..

Joy... The bras and stuff.. I'm terrified even thinking about it.. So.. Girly.. I'm glad Willa isn't like that.

* * *

I watched as Cierra's dirty blonde pigtails swung on her shoulder and her bioluminescent gray eyes scan the rooftops above for Chad.

I imagined being stalked by her and shivered viciously, simultaneously with Chad behind me. It's not that Cierra is a creepy bitch (though she acts like one at times..), it's just she's one of those girls that you feel more siblings with.

"Dude, man up! She just likes you and wants to talk!" I sighed as Drew and Blitz chatted.

"Hell no! Her face is scary enough to make me cry." Chad argued. "Anyway, she's a psycho!"

"She can't be that bad!" I grunted.

"Chadson, I will murder you if you're with another girl, my love!~" Cierra yelled.

"'She can't be that bad'.. Damn right, she's worse!" Chad growled.

"Point taken, bro.." I winced.

"Hey, guys, Bash is here; Fred's out." Willa sighed, stepping into the room with the Charger.

* * *

Joshua "Bash" Griffin is insanely strong and is what we call a Karma Charger. Trust me, dude is no fucking joke when he's pissed. Of course, Fred is stronger, but hey, Tanks always are.

Bash has an obsession with music, sports, and art. He also is Blitz's best friend and video game rival. He has a soft spot for barnyard animals and loves anything with cheese. Trust me, you have never seen a bigger cheese lover until you've seen this kid eat an entire deli-ful of it.

The reason why we call him a Karma Charger is a little obvious: If we do something mean, he rams us. He's soft-hearted and hates bullies.

* * *

"Hunter, Chad, you guys should go scouting." Blitz suggested as he clambered on Bash's shoulders.

I raised a hidden eyebrow at the Jockey and Willa, for once, actually agreed with him. Chad also looked puzzled at the request. We had everything we needed, didn't we?

"He's right, you guys. Hunter, your hoodie's all dirty and really gross. You need a new outfit." Willa said, examining my clothes carefully. "In fact, you stink."

"I DO NOT STINK!" I snapped, my silver eyes glinting in the twilight moonshine.

"Yeah, he smells like a man! WOO, MAN STINK!" Blitz cheered in a feeble attempt to support me.

"If you call smelling like a man stinking the house up with the stench of rotten meat, dead cattle, skunk, and old garbage." Willa scoffed.

Chad sniffed my hoodie warily and I smacked him. Chad pulled away and backed into Bash, holding his nose.

"Well, you do smell like sweat and dog." Chad gagged dramatically.

"S-Shut up! W-who asked you anyway!" I pouted, turning from everyone.

Blitz let out his usual crazy laugh and launched himself on my back. I groaned, hitting the hardwood floor, and the Jockey sniffed me.

"I think you smell like trash can." Drew yelled.

"Well, you do smell like dog!" Blitz grinned in response.

"Great to know.. Now, can you get off? I'm practically making out with the floor.." I snarled, my face pressed against the ground painfully.

The pressure on my back was lifted and I moaned, my spine feeling disconnected.

"Fine! I'll get a new outfit! C'mon, Chad!" I growled, walking to the window.

Chad sighed and clung to my back lazily before I pounced to the concrete beneath. A few Common Infected stared at us before going back to walking into walls or whatever.

"You can get off now." I grumbled.

"But, my legs are all broken-y." Chad whined, tightening his grip.

"Haha, liar. Now, off." I growled.

Chad slid off me slowly and we started walking along the sidewalk as if we were human and the Green Flu never broke out, ending life as we all knew it.

"Why did we have to go?" I mumbled.

"Because.. Because... How the fuck should I know!" Chad shrugged.

"It's not like it's our turn again." I sighed, kicking the ground.

"Maybe Willa just was pissed and didn't want us to have fun with our friends." he suggested.

"Willa isn't that bad."

"You're just saying that."

"No. No, I'm not. Maybe she acts like that so she won't get close to us."

"And what would be the point of that?"

"Well, we kinda are hated by Survivors."

"Good point, brah."

I smirked and heard a growl from somewhere in a dark alleyway we were passing. I grasped Chad's arm and froze. Chad looked at me and I put a finger to my lips. We listened and heard the noise.

I waited a second rigidly and saw a flash of black before I was on the ground for the second time that night. I blinked and saw a.. A girl? A Huntress?

My hood fell back and revealed my silver eyes, making the girl freeze slightly. She had a black hoodie, the fur bloodied, and jeans with a few tears and a rainbow on it. I noticed her white eyes and froze.

"Ooh, I'm so sorry! Are you ok? I-I didn't know you were a Hunter!" the girl gasped, blushing slightly.

"Y-Yeah, I-I'm fine. I was already attacked today, so I'm used to it!" I laughed.

"Well, I'm glad you're ok! My name is Lilith." she grinned.

"My name is Hunter! And my friend is Chad!" I smiled.

"Friend?.. Oh, the guy who's smoking?" she asked.

I looked to my right and, sure enough, there sat Chad with his stupid cancer-stick. Can the Infected get cancer? I don't think so, but if not, I told him so.

"Hey! Chad! What if she would have tried to kill me! Would you smoking!" I growled, glaring at him.

"... Honestly, yes. I would be smoking still." Chad said, his gold eyes looking from his feet to me.

".. Aren't you a wonderful friend?" I murmured.

"Really? I kinda think he isn't." Lilith said.

"Well, if you two are done with your little chatter, I think it's time to go, Hunt." the Smoker sighed.

"Oh, sorry! I guess I'll see you later then?" she laughed, getting off of me.

"Yup! I live in the big purple house down the street if you ever want to visit!" I nodded.

"Great! I'd love to!" the girl exclaimed as she ran. "Bye, Hunter! Bye, Chad!"

"Y-Yeah.. B-Bye.." I stuttered, watching her leap off into the night.

Chad grinned and I glowered at him, confused. His smirk widened and I scowled angrily.

"What?"

"You like her, don't you, Hunter?"

"Nope! We're just friends!"

".. Friends with benefits.."

"Chad! Not cool!"

I felt my cheeks heat up and my pulse raced at the thought of the peppy, cheerful Huntress. She was awfully pretty.. I blushed more. I hate how Chad could be right.

* * *

^*Willa's PoV*^

I sighed, my arms around my knees in the corner of the room that I claimed as mine. I couldn't help but wonder if Hunter and Chad were ok.

Ugh! I hate it when this happens... Those two idiots better be ok! Or I'll tear someone to shreds!

I My mind flickered back to earlier when Hunter landed on me and I shivered, imagining his warmth on me. He was easily the warmest guy here, his leaping always making him overheat.

He still has a little roundness to his face that was disappearing slowly as he got older and his eyes were still as gorgeous as they had always been. The hurt that dominated them when I trailed my sharp nail down his lovely, soft face..

Stupid Hunter! I hate you so much!

I clenched my knees closer to my chest and bit my lip as I continued thinking about the friends that I've grown with. I had more memory than anyone here.

Hunter was a year older than me, Chad was the same, Bash was seventeen, Blitz was seventeen and a half, Fred was eighteen, and Drew was sixteen.

They just kept growing and changing.. I don't like change..

Chad's voice was losing the high-note to it. Drew was starting to get a little hair on his face. Bash and Fred were getting even more muscular. Blitz was even getting a deeper laugh and voice!

I tangled my fingers in my hair as I wished I could rewind time to when we weren't changing. My raven black hair fluttered in the window.

The only one who wasn't going through puberty as fast was Hunter. His voice was still the same as it has been for the past few years and there was no peach fuzz on him. He was the youngest of the guys.

I stood and peered in the mirror nervously. My body was getting curvy and not in the weight way.. I growled and shrieked, running scratches through the walls' thin blue paint.

Stupid adolescence. Hunter better not bring a girl home anytime soon!

~End Of Chapter! Thanks for reading, reviewing, enjoying, or flaming! Feedback is appreciated and makes Hunter less insane!~


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